Every cadet remembers their first solo leap. Last Thursday, Cadet Biscuit, a nervous tabby of nine months, completed hers. We are proud to share her story, with her permission, which she gave by blinking.
The preparation
Biscuit began the day with a light breakfast and a long stare at the fridge. The fridge, a tall white appliance, had been the subject of her dreams for weeks. She had trained on lower surfaces, including the dresser, the table and a footstool. But the fridge was different. The fridge was Everest.
The climb
At nine in the morning, Biscuit climbed onto a chair, then onto the counter, and then, with a short wiggle, onto the top of the fridge. She sat there, upright, looking out across the kitchen. She could see the kettle. She could see the toaster. She could see, far below, the floor, which looked unusually far away.
The doubt
For forty minutes, Biscuit did not move. She groomed one paw, then the other. She looked at the ceiling. She looked at the cat flap. She considered going back down. A flight instructor, watching from the doorway, said nothing. This is our policy. We believe cadets should feel their own doubt.
The leap
At last, at 9:47, Biscuit gathered herself. She wiggled her back legs. She lowered her chest. And then, in a single smooth motion, she leaped.
- She flew past the toaster
- She cleared the sink
- She turned in the air, with a tiny twist
- She landed on the counter, next to the kettle, on all four feet
The kettle, which was hot, said nothing, but wobbled.
The reaction
The instructors applauded, in the sense that they sat very still and blinked. Biscuit looked around, nodded and began washing her face. She had not been surprised. She had planned this all along.
Her words
When asked for a comment, Biscuit said, ‘I knew I could do it.’ She then added, ‘I am hungry.’ Both statements were recorded.
What happens next
Biscuit has been awarded the Silver Whisker, the Academy’s second highest honour. She will continue her training with an advanced course in cupboard tops. We wish her every success, and a soft landing.
This is a parody. No real cats are asked to jump from refrigerators, and our fridge was, at the time, empty.
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