Memo to Instructors: Please Stop Pushing Things Off the Desk as a Lesson

TO: All flight instructors FROM: Captain Maximilian Pounce, Chief Instructor RE: Objects and desks

Dear Instructors,

I write about the practice of pushing objects off the desk during lessons. I understand that this is a traditional teaching method. I also understand that it is expensive. Last month, the Academy replaced seven mugs, four pens, two telephones and a small potted fern named Gerald.

Background

The technique is known as Object Gravity Demonstration. An instructor places an object at the edge of a desk, looks the cadets in the eye, and pushes it off. The object falls. The cadets watch. A lesson is learned.

I understand the logic. But I wish to remind you that there are other ways to teach gravity. We have a ball, a pencil and a stairway. We have a window. We have, in the corner, a rather solid vase that has never done anything wrong.

Concerns

• The desk is now bare
• The floor is cluttered with fragments
• The fern was a gift
• The cadets are beginning to push things off themselves, in imitation

Proposed alternatives

• Use a single ball, repeatedly
• Use a rubber band, which falls differently
• Use a drawing of an object, and describe the fall
• Use Mittens, our mascot, who has agreed to be dropped lightly onto a cushion

Clarification on Mittens

Wing Commander Mittens has agreed to fall onto a cushion, voluntarily, as a demonstration. He has not agreed to be thrown, and no one will be thrown. Any instructor who suggests otherwise will be assigned to the laundry.

Budget implications

The cost of replacing objects is now exceeding the cost of the course. I ask that all further demonstrations be carried out with items that are cheap, plentiful and ideally edible. A biscuit is an acceptable object. A pencil is also acceptable, though I will be watching.

Closing

I am proud of the dedication of this staff. I only ask that it be directed at lessons and not at the fern. Gerald is recovering. A sign has been placed on his pot, reading: ‘Please do not push me.’ It has been pushed.

Regards,

Captain M. Pounce