FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Tailspin Flight Academy is delighted to announce the opening of its new Flight Simulator, a state of the art facility constructed entirely from laundry. The simulator, known as the Pile, will allow cadets to practise landings in a safe, soft and slightly warm environment.
The vision
For years the Academy has relied on live practice. While this has produced many fine pilots, it has also produced bruises, broken vases and a growing number of complaints from the neighbours. The Pile offers a gentler path. It consists of seven towels, four jumpers, a duvet and a single sock of uncertain origin.
Features
The simulator includes the following features:
- A Soft Landing Zone, in which cadets can fall without consequence
- A Bounce Test Area, in which cadets can bounce on purpose
- A Hide and Seek Module, in which cadets can be lost for hours
- A Warm Zone, near the dryer, for rest between exercises
Instruments include a laundry basket, a peg bag and a mysterious button that does nothing but is pressed anyway.
How it works
A cadet climbs the stairs to the top of the pile and prepares to launch. A flight instructor calls out ‘Clear’. The cadet jumps. The cadet lands. The cadet burrows, turns around three times and sleeps. This is known as a Full Cycle.
Statement from leadership
‘The simulator is a major step forward in cadet training,’ said Captain Maximilian Pounce. ‘It allows us to test our methods without risk to furniture. It also allows us to observe cadets in their natural state, which is horizontal.’
Safety
The Academy wishes to reassure the public that the Pile has been inspected. It has been sniffed by three instructors and judged fit for use. Cadets are reminded not to dig too deeply, as the sock has been known to bite.
Availability
The simulator will open next Monday. A waiting list is already in place. Cadets who wish to jump the queue are advised that they are, in fact, jumping.
About Tailspin Flight Academy
Tailspin Flight Academy teaches cats to land on their feet. It is a parody organisation run by cats, with no real flights, no real licences and a lot of laundry. If you wish to learn to fly, please contact a real aviation school, and keep your cat away from the controls.
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